take me home ch. 2

Things resumed some level of normality.
Both of them knew.
Both of them would never speak of it again.
It would remain a blip on the radar that would be tangled in their better memories.

“Can I ask you a question?” Adam said the instant everyone left the room.
“You just did,” Tommy stated, looking everywhere but the pain that was Adam’s eyes.
“When the tour ends” - Tommy couldn’t help but cringe – “I’m staying in Paris for a few weeks after.”
“Cool.” Tommy picked up a copy of The Rolling Stone with Metallica on the cover and mindlessly flipped through the pages.
“I was gonna ask if you wanted to stay with me.” Adam’s gaze pulled Tommy’s from the magazine. Tommy didn’t say anything. “Please say something.” Please say yes.
“Why should I?” Tommy asked in a monotone.
“Because it will be fun and we’ll have a really great time.” Adam answered like he had been waiting for Tommy to ask this question since forever.
“That’s vague.” Tommy made a slight gesture to the air next to him.
“I’m starting to get really fed up with this hard to get façade you’ve been putting up. I made a mistake, okay? I’m sorry! I’ve told you that a million times. It won’t happen again. Seriously, I try to reach out and be nice to you, treat you like a normal person, and I get this shit? No! That’s not okay, Tommy!” Adam spat. Without giving Tommy time to do anything, he turned on his heel and stalked out the door.

Tommy could still feel Adam’s presence in the room. He set down the magazine, curled up on the couch and tried not to start crying. His breathing was shaky and his eyes were probably getting misty by the way his vision fogged up but he couldn’t fucking cry.
“I’m such a bitch.” He choked out. He hadn’t expected Adam to do that. He should have. He deserved it way sooner. Adam was right. Tommy had led him on like a naïve little puppy and then kicked him out in the cold. All he was doing was try to be nice and spend quality time with his friend. It seemed like their relationship was over.

But because Adam was that kind of guy and Tommy wanted to be that kind of guy, their onstage antics didn’t waver. Adam didn’t give Tommy a chance to talk to him offstage so all he could do was give him apologetic glances whenever he could.
People noticed. They always did with Adam and Tommy.

Taylor approached him in Milan before they went onstage.
“What’s going on with you and Adam?” he shouted over the increasing roar of the crowd.
“Nothing.” Tommy mouthed, mood soiled. Did he really have to answer this shit?
“Well I’m here for you if you wanna talk.” He said before Tommy walked into the strobe lights and became a different person.

Monte confronted him late at night on the bus one night.
“You and Adam are hardly talking anymore,” he stated.
“And?” Tommy retorted, irritation escalating.
“It’s just weird. Did anything happen?” Monte asked.
“No.” Tommy said tersely, getting up to go to bed.
The bunk would remind him of that night. Of Adam’s body on top of him, heat radiating off of him in tidal waves. He hadn’t been able to sleep in it for days after. The memories still grabbed at him like thin tendrils trying to tear him asunder from time to time. He couldn’t stand it. But if he slept anywhere else, everybody would eventually connect the dots.
“Tommy, I’m not an idiot.” Monte replied.
Tommy turned around. “I just should have said yes to Paris.” He spat and stalked off to the bunk. He would have nightmares that night.

take me home ch.1

The last drops of alcohol trickled down, bitter on his tongue. There was nothing quite like that slight buzz in the back of his head after a bottle.
In the mirror was the reflection of a strange being, lips painted smoldering blue and eyes accented by a shadowy black under the cover of blonde locks. There was nothing quite like the way he looked on stage.

Shrugging off his costume and throwing it in the hamper, he began to smell less of marijuana. It wouldn’t come off his breath. He didn’t want it to anyway.
The sensation up being bent backwards, his lips crashing up against his, the scent of combination and weed on his breath. There was screaming – yes – lots of it. Some far off place where it came from was irrelevant.
Slipping into a simple outfit unlike the elaborate ones he wore on stage, he felt more at home. The soft, familiar fabric on his skin.
The bass drum booming in his ear, snare sounding off like one thousand bullets being shot off were not really there. Hearing each individual string as they were strummed was only him. It didn’t register to anybody else.
Dragging a small make up removing wipe across his eyes, tugging at the places it clung to his lids. Wiping the sticky lipstick off, although to no avail, was comforting. Comfort was all he wanted.
He pulled away, launching back into the chorus as if it had no effect on him. But if only he knew the effect he had.

Stepping outside to the immense screaming that was the crowd pushing up against the hardly enforced barrier brought him out of the haze.
People would ask.
Thanking each and every one of them even if it was him that should be thanked for taking the time to go through this hell which included being grabbed at by the utmost strangers.
And ask they did.

“Are you two official?”
“When did you start fucking?”
“I wish I had a sexy boyfriend like yours.”

He smiled but dare not answer their catcalls. Nothing was really happening anyway.
That tongue working his mouth open, the steady presence of his body next to his. He couldn’t compare it to anyone. He’d never compare it to anything.
The lights and shouts sent him into a lightheaded daze so he listened to a story of how he was being used and cheated on by someone he wouldn’t ever date.
Whatever sounds that microphone made sliding up and down the strings would remain a turn on for the rest of his life. It wasn’t even a pretty sound; the sound he’d fooled around with, dragging his nail down the thick grooves in each string when he first got the guitar.
He was being ushered away from the tidal wave finally, unsure of what was next.
Nobody was there. Whoever placed their hand reassuringly on the small of his back and led him there was gone.

Worn out, he clambered up the inlaid ladder to his bunk deciding he would lay there and try to forget. Forget everything and just be.
Mind fogged from the pot and alcohol, he lazily collapsed onto his bunk.
Whatever sound came from him was surely inhuman, but it surely jolted him out of his daze.

“Tommy?” his familiar voice murmured. The lights were dim but not dim enough that Tommy was unable to scale the ladder.
He looked down at Adam, some shard of light in his clear eyes glinting in the muted light.
“Tommy Joe?”
“Aaadam…?” something of the insane emotion flitting through his head must have showed. He wondered whether it was the way his voice trembled or the way he could barely complete those two syllables.
“Um,” and he was kissing him.

His lips were soft and apologetic, the cherry chapstick leaving nothing but a faint flavor on his lips.

“Do you even know?” Tommy pulled away, not looking at Adam as he was pulled onto the bunk from the ladder. Whatever he implied by the question, Adam understood.
“Tell me,” Adam whispered, lips close to Tommy’s, eyes searching for contact. Tommy could feel Adam’s lashes against his forehead flitting back and forth.
“I…,” Tommy murmured. He finally tilted his chin up and closed the gap between their lips.
It was instant to Adam.
He let his hand trail down the soft cotton of Tommy’s shirt, to the waist of his jeans. He whined into the kiss as it became increasingly passionate.
Adam’s fingers pulled at the denim, resting a hand against the back of Tommy’s head as he did so. They only broke the kiss to breathe.
Tommy’s hand met Adam’s, first as a way to help him. Then his thin fingers wrapped around Adam’s wrist firmly.

“Stop.” He said suddenly, with much more force than intended. He planned to take Adam’s hand away but it shot away at the word instantly. It reminded him of spraying a cat with water.
“I’m sorry.” Adam said, pulling away from Tommy’s body and into a sitting position across the bunk.
There was a long silence after Tommy had sat up.

“I’m straight.” Tommy said. It was more a way to convince, remind himself than to tell Adam. Because Adam knew.
“It’s not my place…” Adam answered already getting himself up to leave.
“No,” Tommy said, distant. “It isn’t.”

someone to hold you tight .x

Tommy sat on the couch nervously, giving their small apartment a quick once-over. The stuff for tacos was out and ready for him to make, everything was clean and there was a trail of rose petals leading to the bedroom which was just that- a bed in a room. He was too shy to ask Adam why he couldn’t afford a bigger apartment when he was this loaded. Suddenly he realized he’d forgotten candles. He looked under the sink and in the cabinets for anything but all he could find were paper towels and scented air fresheners. In a last ditch effort, he checked the bathroom. He sighed when there were about ten unused cinnamon candles in the vanity. Placing a few on the table, some in the living room and a few in the bedroom he decided to wait until it got dark to light them. He sat back down on the couch, eyes flitting between the clock and his outfit. He hadn’t considered dressing up for the occasion so the fitting Metallica shirt and skinny jeans would do. He had only put on some eyeliner and was now playing with his hair as he waiting for Adam to come home.

Adam slipped his key into the elevator so it would just fucking let him up to the right floor and into his damn apartment. After about four tries the doors open. He knew it was his fault for being so angry he couldn’t hold the card still long enough for the scanner to pick it up. He made an effort to be pleasant to the older woman in the elevator but when she got off on the third floor he sunk to his knees, pulling at his hair in some blind rage.

“Fucking… paparazzi.” He choked out. He had a horrible day, and to top it off those stupid things had to be up in his face with their flashing bulbs and taunting words. He had only just left the building in which they’d interviewed him for some website to discover they didn’t have any transportation and Lane wasn’t in town at the moment due to some family issues. He couldn’t hail down a cab since it was rush hour so after giving up on that, he walked five blocks to a bus station to get to the apartment complex in some seedy part of LA. And surprise, the paparazzi had been with him the entire time.

He was brought out of his misery when the elevator came to a sudden halt and the doors pried themselves open. He got up off his ass and left the elevator just in time before the doors closed and it traveled back down to pick up more residents. The mirrors lining the small corridor told him that he looked horrible. His eyeliner was smeared and running down his face, his eyes were puffy and his hair looked like a bird’s nest. And then he remembered it was their anniversary. A year. Tommy would have probably set up the entire apartment for it in that cute way he did every anniversary. Candles, roses, dinner. Adam nearly sank to his knees in self loathing that he would come into the apartment looking like this.

There were only two apartments on the top floor and they were bigger than most of the others in the building and thankfully their neighbors were kind enough to let him come in and wash up. When they asked him what was wrong he didn’t lie. It’s not like this could be over spilt milk or a scraped knee. They let him go clean up in their bathroom where he washed his face, combed and restyled his hair and did his eyes up with a practiced hand. He checked himself over and hell, he looked good even if he was still raging on the inside. He stepped out of the bathroom, thanked the tenants with hugs and kisses and left.

He composed himself at the door to his apartment. Tommy would be on the other side expectantly waiting. It crossed his mind only for a second if he should have told Tommy he’d be late but it was too late. He slipped the card into the handle.
Tommy’s eyes darted up when he heard the clicking at the door. Adam took his breath away. He stood in the door, still in the same plaid shirt, wool jacket and dark wash jeans as this morning but his eyes had changed. They were burning with something, only it was more intense with the smoky eye he must have done before coming home. Tommy didn’t have but a second to admire his boyfriend before Adam’s fingers tangled in the belt loops of his jeans and he was planting a sweet kiss in his lips.

“Hi baby,” he smirked as Adam let his lips linger on the corner of Tommy’s mouth.

“Hello there,” Adam pulled away and blinked. He really couldn’t feel upset now that Tommy was in front of him with his big, brown eyes and pretty face. Fingers still in Tommy’s belt loops, he admired the place. The unlit candles and taco power and meat on the counter. He didn’t want to make a comment as if Tommy was unready or something so he just sat down on the couch pulling Tommy down with him.

Tommy giggled – he was extra giggly tonight – as he fell on top of Adam, resting his palm on the singer’s chest, feeling his heartbeat. It was the only constant in Tommy’s life these days. Shows, touring, the occasional interview and not to mention how his heart fluttered like crazy anytime Adam was near. Adam kissed him for awhile but it was all sweet and chaste. No tongue. That was okay though.
“I need to go make dinner.” Tommy said.
“I thought you could only make pop tarts.” Adam looked at Tommy, almost wondering if he was kidding.
“Yeah but it’s our anniversary so I wanted to try something new. And if I fuck it up we can just go to the store or eat leftovers.” Tommy nuzzled into Adam’s neck and realized he wouldn’t be getting up for a long time if he stayed like this.
“Not the store. I’m so sick of the paparazzi. They just ruin everything.” He said vaguely, trying not to hint at his meltdown earlier.
“What happened?” Tommy was too smart.
“Nothing.” Adam smiled and kissed Tommy, pulling away so he could go make dinner. Tommy gave him an unsure look as he walked into the kitchen. Adam followed him but instead took a seat at the breakfast bar.

He fiddled with the two candles set out on the table as he watched Tommy make the tacos. They talked about stuff that wasn’t fame related and a lot about how Tommy had no fucking idea what he was doing. When Adam offered to help he was denied. “I’m starting to worry about our dinner.” He said finally.
“Don’t!” Tommy hissed as he burned his finger on the stove. Adam got up automatically and was next to Tommy kissing the burn in a matter of seconds. “Thanks.” Tommy looked away trying to hide his blush.
“Let me.” Adam took the spatula and Tommy didn’t complain. He looped his arm around Adam’s and watched him silently make the tacos. Even if Adam had no clue what he was doing, he was a damn good actor.

“It’s done.” Tommy pointed at the meat in the pan that was starting to burn. Adam turned from the lettuce and shut off the stove.
“Then make your taco.” Adam answered, gesturing to the mini-buffet of toppings. Tommy smiled and grabbed two taco shells before filling them with the flavored taco meat. Adam went to the fridge and found an expensive red wine sitting on the top shelf.
“Oh yeah. I got that wine for us tonight.” Tommy said as if he could see Adam’s surprised expression. Adam nodded and poured them each a glass.

Tommy finished making his tacos, set his plate down next to his glass (it was the smaller one since Adam couldn’t trust him with more) and made a frantic dash to find a lighter. He had to reach underneath Adam to get to the drawer where it was hiding and tried to ignore that he was touching Adam’s crotch. Going around the two and a half room apartment lighting all his candles, he realized he could open the balcony door to get a nice breeze. He tugged it open but it was a matter of time before the sirens and barking of a city filled the apartment. Adam gave him an annoyed look so Tommy shut the door with a sheepish smile. They sat down at the table/breakfast bar/piece of shit they ate food on at the same time.

“To us!” Adam lifted his wine glass apparently catching Tommy by surprise. He lifted his glass and smiled when they clinked together.
“To many more years to come.” Tommy added and Adam leaned over to peck him on the cheek.

They ate their tacos together and both secretly couldn’t believe they were edible. Conversation dribbled over a lot of subjects – marriage, oh wait we can’t, Adam is famous, Tommy is in his band, that is weirder than them already dating, movies, music, friends, tacos, cooking, culinary school, how much they hated school, really anything. When they finished, Adam cleaned up both their plates as a thanks to Tommy for trying to make dinner and decorating the apartment. When he finished, Tommy kissed him long and sweet so Adam would still owe him. Even though he really owed Adam.

“So, sex?” Adam whispered against Tommy’s lips.
“Is that a question?” Tommy answered.
“I dunno.” Adam kissed him again.

i still love you so

“Tommy, you have really soft hair.” Sasha tilted her head like a curious bird as she twirled the blonde hair on her index finger.

“I use Garnier Fructis Long ‘n’ Strong!” He nearly shouted to the whole bus. He was on this bus tonight because Cam had gotten upset with him and requested Brooke spend the night with them on the bus instead of Tommy. Tommy had just shrugged it off, making some far-off male guess that she was on her period.

“I’m proud of you.” Sasha nodded, flipping Tommy’s hair to each side of his head. His roots were beginning to show but normally a bunch of them got their hair dyed at the same time to save their precious free time so he had to wait.
“You should be.” Tommy rolled away from Sasha and spread out on the small couch as much as possible. Adam and Terrance were squished together on the other couch across the bus reading.

“I hate when shampoo is, like, yellow.” Adam looked up from The Hunger Games for just a moment. “It makes me feel like I’m washing my hair with pee.”
“Who the fuck’s pee is that consistency?” Sasha gave him a freaked out look and smirked when Terrance chuckled.

“Adam, I read some of that book and I was wondering why the girl’s name is Catnip.” Tommy blurted out randomly. Everybody paused for a moment when there was a loud crash of small objects falling from the back of the bus. Taylor called out some word of apology and everyone returned to their business after Sasha left to go investigate.

“It’s not. Gale only calls her that because when they first met he thought she said her name was Catnip.” Adam explained without looking up from the book.
“Um, okay. But why are you reading a teen book?” Tommy asked, proud of his last read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.

“I needed a break from Wuthering Heights.” Adam gave Tommy some unreadable look and Tommy couldn’t tell if he was kidding.

“Oh, okay.” He said trying to make it seem like he knew what was happening. He sat there awkwardly as Terrance and Adam silently read their books. The faint sounds of Sasha and Taylor cleaning up whatever happened were all he heard. That and the constant loop of Wight Spider going in the back of his head. He watched the digital clock on the table tick away, the minutes seeming longer and longer. The bus was rocking and rolling on the pothole infested street and it would have bothered him if it didn’t remind him of the gentle rise and fall of being on a ship. He expected Adam to say something after thirty minutes of silence but it never happened. Sasha came strolling through the small space in between the couches shortly followed by Taylor but they quietly climbed up in their bunks and fell asleep. “I guess I’m gonna go sleep in your bed.” Tommy finally said when his level of boredom surpassed to infinity and beyond. Sasha made a wolf whistle from her bunk which Tommy chose to ignore. All of his clothes and belongings were on the other bus so he didn’t even have an iPod to entertain himself. It usually took around four in the morning to get tired but being unconscious was better than just sitting there.

Tommy got up from the couch and slipped into the back room that was Adam’s before the singer could protest. Adam was too engrossed in that book to probably even notice. When Tommy got into Adam’s room it was all he could do not to gasp. He had never been there before, and for a bus it was pretty fucking radical. As soon as he threw himself on the wall-to-wall mattress, he knew sleeping on his own crappy bunk every other night would be painful. It was soft and the comforter was the kind you could wrap yourself up in and feel like you were on a cloud. And so Tommy did just that and lay there, breathing in the fresh downy scent of detergent. He felt high without the drugs. The windows that lined the curved back of the bus reflected city lights and twinkling stars and if only he could get some D’yer Mak’er playing, this would be so much more awesome. When Adam didn’t come barging in the room after three minutes, he figured Adam didn’t care. He lay there tangled up in the maroon blankets for a long time thinking about random memories that came to mind. Nothing from Glam Nation, though. Ones like the first day of ninth grade and his first pay check.

“Tommy?” someone murmured from the door that brought Tommy out of his haze of bliss. He poked his head out of the blankets to find Adam leaning in the small doorframe. He noticed that his head was bumping against the ceiling before he was finally ripped free from the fantasy world this room had brought onto him. “What are you doing?”

“I really want my iPod.” He said slowly, unaware he didn’t actually answer Adam’s question.
“Well you’re lucky because I actually found it in my pocket for some reason.” Adam pulled the small piece of heaven out of his pocket. Tommy lazily made grabby hands for it really hoping Adam wouldn’t make him leave the bed. Instead of tossing it or making him get up, Adam climbed on the bed next to Tommy and handed it to him gently. Since Tommy was spread diagonally over the foot of the bed, Adam just pushed himself up against the side of the bed onto the pillows lining it.

“No headphones?” Tommy whimpered looking around for them as if they would magically appear.

“No, but we can plug it into the dock.” Adam said. At this, Tommy pulled himself up and began searching for this apparent dock. Adam pointed to the head of the bed, Tommy made a noise of realization and he plugged it in. The ending of Angel of Death began playing. He scrunched up his face, really not in the mood for Slayer.

“I hope…” he murmured searching for Led Zeppelin.
“Hope what?”
“This.” Tommy said as he finally found D’yer Mak’er. “When was the last time I listened to this?”
“I know the words to this!” Adam beamed suddenly.
“Psh, who doesn’t?” Tommy muttered crawling back into his bundle of blankets. Adam began humming along while Tommy spasmed at the bottom of the bed trying to get comfortable. He finally ended up with his head sticking out facing Adam. Adam’s ice blue eyes locked with Tommy’s. He felt at home in that kind, happy look. Adam sunk down onto the bed and crawled over to Tommy so all that was between them was Tommy’s blanket and their own clothes. His breath hitched as Adam’s face got so close to his. Perhaps it was too close but he wasn’t really sure what their limits were anymore.

“I put it on repeat.” Adam breathed as if he could feel the slight dread coming from Tommy as the song drew to a close. Tommy smirked, and made this his excuse to pull slightly away. Adam didn’t move closer, he might have even brought his face further away from Tommy’s too. He watched Adam’s hand with big, brown eyes reach over to touch his hair. His touch was gentle and even sweet unlike the rough hair pulling on stage. Adam had admitted one night that Tommy just had “pullable hair” and nobody was quite sure what that was but Tommy just said okay. “You really do have soft hair.”

“Really, thank the Fructis.” Tommy answered, reveling in the feeling of his hair being played with. When he was a kid he used to always play with those spidery scalp massagers and since then he just loved for his hair to be played with.

“Thank you, Garnier Fructis for giving Tommy such soft hair!” Adam shouted loud enough it caused Terrance to tell him to shut up. The fact that the others were still on the bus in their own bunks brought Tommy back to earth.

“I should be going to Brooke’s bunk now. Well, my bunk for tonight… but yeah.” Tommy suddenly said. Adam pouted his lip looking very upset.

“My kitty is leaving?” he whined, making his eyes go all big and blue and impossible to say no – well, yes in this case – to. Tommy burst out laughing and squirmed around in the blanket. He tried to ignore the slight awkwardness of Adam calling him his kitty while they were on a bed together lurking in this pit of his stomach.

“I can stay, if you insist.” Tommy explained as if it were that obvious.

“Well I insist! I insist a lot.” Adam tugged on a lock of Tommy’s hair as if he could pull him closer. Tommy didn’t budge, but he did permit Adam a longer stay.

They mostly just listened to the same song on repeat while Adam played with Tommy’s hair and scratched his scalp. There wasn’t much to say but Adam figured out how to make light conversation so Tommy didn’t feel too awkward. Adam finally pulled away, getting annoyed with listening to the same song over and over and shuffled the phone. Heartbreaker was the next song in the queue and the riff was cool so Adam decided to listen to this on repeat for the next however long.

“What’s with all the Led Zeppelin?” Tommy asked, voice laced with sleepiness. Before Adam had gone over to change the song he was nearly asleep.
“Your iPod.”
“Not complaining.” About anything.

Don't You Want To?

“Damn, that’s hot.” Adam smirked as he shut the door behind him. Tommy laughed as he shrugged on his green and black jacket. Adam ran his finger through a curl in the silvery white bassist’s hair and plopped down in his make up chair.

“Aren’t I?” Tommy twirled around in place, the jacket fanning out around his waist. Adam playfully licked his lips while Tommy made his way to the chair to the right of Adam’s. He met the singer’s eyes in the mirror bordered by bright bulbs. “I’m nervous.” Tommy murmured, looking down. He had performed on stage more than enough times in his life that he thought this feeling of butterflies would go away. He had tried to calm himself down by thinking of when they performed on Idol, Leno and Ellen whom all had larger audiences than Wilkes-Barre would. But it was somehow different. This tour was really Adam’s and perhaps it was his loyalty to the man that made him not want to fuck it up.
“Aw, don’t be.” Adam squeezed Tommy’s hand, pressing each of his calluses. “Didn’t you see how supportive everyone was outside? They’ll love you no matter what.”
“No matter what? That I’ll fuck up on Down the Rabbit Hole? My intro? They’d notice.” Tommy raised his voice. His sudden annoyance with Adam scared him. He didn’t want to start the first show hating the world. Because face it, Adam was his world. He’d be nowhere if Adam hadn’t picked him up at that audition. Just another nameless LA musician.
“Tommy,” Adam sighed. “I don’t want you to make me lose my cool. You’re going to kick ass out there. We’ve rehearsed for this over and over. You know this.”
“I just… I’m scared people won’t like it or something.” Tommy looked anywhere but into Adam’s eyes thinking somehow it would make him seem like less of a pussy.
“Do you want to practice really quick? I can go get your bass if you want.” Adam offered. The sooner Tommy snapped out of this weird mood, the better. Allison and her crew were starting to get their things to go on stage.
“Yeah.” Tommy nodded. “I’d like that.”

Adam squeezed his hand and got up from the chair before disappearing into the corridor. He pushed past person after person (playfully shoving Neil into the wall, which Neil didn’t think was so funny) looking for the guitars. Allison was talking with David in rapid Spanish while David stood their dumbfounded.
“Um… Ally, I can’t speak Spanish…” he mumbled as he grabbed his guitar.
“OH! Right.” Allison exclaimed and whipped around, her crazy red hair inches from David’s face. He flinched backward, at a loss for words. “ADAM! HI!” Allison shrieked when he approached the rack of basses.
“Hey, baby girl.” Adam hugged her, her feet dangling from the ground. “Bueno suerte!”
“Gracias! Igualmente.” Allison beamed. “What’re you doing over here?”
“I should ask you the same thing.” Adam replied. “No, I’m getting Tommy’s bass. He wants to practice because he’s nervous.”
“Aww, poor baby. Tell him I said he’s a bad ass motherfucker and doesn’t need to worry about that shit?” Allison frowned, watching Adam pick out a bass.
“You kiss your mother with that mouth?” Adam called out as he ran from the room with Tommy’s bass.
“HELL YES I DO, LAMBERT!”



“Group hug!” Adam shouted as everyone filed off stage. The mass of bodies got bigger and bigger once everybody got off stage. People were laughing and screaming and squealing and Adam swore the audience could probably hear them like this. Tommy joined the hug and Adam made special care to give him a long squeeze, telling him how fan-fucking-tastic he was out there and it was the best Down the Rabbit Hole solo he’d ever heard. Probably ten minutes had passed when everyone finally began to break apart, smiles brighter than the stage lights.
“UGH, Oh my GOD, that was just TOO FUCKING AWESOME!” Sasha’s voice rose over the chatter. Tommy laughed and high-fived her outstretched hand as others followed suit.
At some point, a champagne bottle was burst open, cork slamming into Monte’s leg. He slapped whoever had opened it lightly on the cheek but they let go of the bottle and Terrance came to the rescue and saved the glass, but not his face. “Ugh, I’m covered in champagne!” he hissed, wiping his face off with the sleeve of Cam’s shirt.
“Ack! Get the fuck off!” Cam shrieked, pushing the dancer away and into Neil. He let go of the champagne bottle and it flew in the air magically deciding to fall on Tommy’s arm.
“AH! FUCK!” he yelled, whipping his arm in the air. “WHAT THE FUCK?”
“Sorry!” Cam gave a sheepish smile, running just early enough so that Tommy couldn’t grab her. Eventually she hit a dead end and they ended up fake wrestling on the ground, the others chanting names, placing imaginary bets.
“WINNER!” Adam pulled Cam up after she pinned Tommy down.
“NO FAIR! You let her win because she’s a girl!” Tommy jumped to his feet, sleeve still covered in champagne. He realized no glass had actually hit him but what the fuck ever.
“Yeah, no fair, I had fifty cents on Tommy.” Monte complained. Tommy took this as offence and whacked the guitarist’s head. Monte hit him right back and still slightly dizzy from tackling Cam, he collapsed onto Adam, his legs giving out. Adam hoisted the blond over his shoulder as Tommy protested with kicks and punches. Adam led him around the hall and Tommy could feel his head going heavy with blood.
“Put me down!” he insisted, trying to twist around and bite Adam’s shoulder.
“Magic word?” Adam grinned innocently.
“I don’t fucking know, PLAID. GLITTER. GAGA.”
“I was looking for please, but okay.” He set Tommy down gently. Nobody was around for at least a few seconds so Adam decided to take this moment. “Tommy, in all seriousness, I was listening to you the whole time and you did better than in soundcheck or rehearsal or anything. Really.”
“Thanks.” Tommy didn’t try stopping the blush creeping up his cheeks. Adam patted him on the shoulder and guided him back to the rest of the group.
“YOU GUYS WEREN’T HAVING SEX OR ANYTHING BACK THERE WERE YOU?” someone called out. Tommy looked up at Adam and smiled. They really would never live down the teasing of the AMAs.




They were nearly done with the US leg of the tour. Each night was spent on the bus playing Truth or Dare, Seven Minutes in Heaven or any other middle school game they could think of. Usually they didn’t really stay on their assigned bus when they were on the road. It was always a different mix of people. They always joked about not anyone but Adam knowing what city they were in. Hell, he was the only one who had to say anything on stage. During signings most of them just went with the flow saying they loved the city, maybe had a friend here, but didn’t get the chance to explore much today. Keep it vague. Be patient. Don’t get kidnapped. Some of these Glamberts were scary. Certain venues stuck out to Tommy like the slaughterhouse in Texas, baseball stadium in Florida among others. All he knew what that he fucking loved the sleep deprivation, hangovers and friendships he formed over the tour. He’d never forget it. He loved that people knew his name, that they wanted to get his picture and autograph. Basically, he loved finally getting some attention. Some nights it was too much and he just crawled into his bunk and fell asleep. Some nights he even picked up some chick at a bar. Some nights he just made out with Adam – drunk, sober, whatever.

Most of the chicks he got were good. He loved sex. He loved that he could say he was a bass player and they’d practically just ask to be fucked. But sometimes he just didn’t want to deal with chicks. So he’d go to Adam.

Usually when they kissed – on and off stage – it was pretty hot. Just lust, wanting and sexual frustration. It was just to momentarily get rid of the ache of never being in a solid place with familiar places and faces because Adam was a good kisser. He’d get lost in his kisses and by the end of the tour, them kissing wasn’t anything new to anybody. Usually Adam would drag Tommy into his room at night after everyone hit the hay. It never got any further though. Only once did Tommy’s shirt end up on the ground but that was all. And they were okay with that. They were friends. They had some twisted relationship as friends, but still. Nothing more.




“Let’s kick some ass out there!” Isaac shrieked, dishing out a round of high fives. Everyone was cheering. There was that unavoidable trace of sadness that the tour was over. However, Adam had made it very clear he didn’t want to see any of it before or after the show. They were going to go out with a bang.
“Go, go, go!” Monte shouted as the lights began. Each band member took the stage as if it would be the last. Surely with a singer as talented as Adam it couldn’t be, but whatever.

After the show, everyone collapsed onto a giant heap on the floor. Tommy couldn’t help but get choked up as he lined up the parallels between now and Wikes-Barre. Sasha started to cry and insisted to Adam they were happy tears. In a way they most definitely were. When they finally got off of the floor (poor Isaac was being crushed), everyone’s makeup was smeared and their hair messes.
“This tour,” Tommy suddenly began. He wasn’t one for words usually so everyone hushed, hanging on his every word, “you’ve all just changed my life. I couldn’t ever imagine it any other way. I’m so glad I got to know each of you and travelled the world. Nobody gets to do this kind of shit. It’s really a dream come true.” He wiped the forming tear from the corner of his eye. Isaac ran up to him and squeezed him tight and before long everyone was hugging again.
“You pretty much summed up all my feelings. I don’t know where the fuck I’d be without you guys.” Adam smiled. “I know I’m, like, the headliner of this tour but I really think that a lot of the fans are more excited to see and meet you guys. I also want to add that we are doing Down the Rabbit Hole every show just so Tommy gets his solo.” Adam laughed and Tommy punched him in the shoulder. He wasn’t nervous for his solo anymore. In fact, having another solo would be excellent.
“Wooo! Now, let’s go greet the fans and get drunk and party and shit!” Brooke cheered and everyone joined in. They marched off to the dressing rooms, Jeni and Sutan eager to greet them.



A couple of hours later, most of them had had a few drinks. They had rented adjoining hotel rooms – Sasha, Brooke, Terrance, Adam and Cam in one and Isaac, Monte, Sutan, Tommy and Taylor in the other. There was a third room rented since nobody could fit into the beds in just two rooms but it was empty at the moment. They propped the door open with Tommy’s guitar case and were hanging out on the couches. Neil, Brad and Allison had dropped in for an hour or so before they had to get going. Things had begun to calm down by two in the morning. Tommy, Monte and Adam were in one room watching Halloween and the others were either passed out or playing cars. Metallica was playing on an endless loop in the background and Tommy couldn’t feel more in his natural environment.

Monte had dozed off with an ‘I’ve seen this movie too many times,’ but Adam was still wide awake, bright blue eyes plastered on the television jumping every time something happened. Tommy only found it too amusing, making loud sounds every time they cut away to Michael which drove Adam nuts.

“TOMMY THIS MOVIE IS FUCKING SCARY.” He whined as it drew to a close. Tommy however was too engrossed in the film to even hear Adam.
“Ha, die, motherfucker!” he called out as Laurie was trying to fend off Michael.
“How can you hate her, Tommy?!” Adam screeched. Tommy never replied and was silent up against Adam as the movie ended. There were a few moments of silence before Tommy got up and went off into the second room. Everyone was asleep except Brooke who was amusing herself silently with a beaded bracelet. Oh she is stoooneeedd, Tommy thought. Except for Brooke, the coast was clear.

“Sorry.” Tommy murmured as he walked back over to Adam in the other room. He settled down next to him, casually resting his head on Adam’s shoulder.
“It’s okay.” Adam grinned to himself, mindlessly playing with Tommy’s hair.
“Adam?”
“Yes?”
“I just… I just don’t know if I can express my thank you in words to you. If you hadn’t picked me to be your bassist, I’d probably be washed up on the side of the street or something.” He said this slowly, weighing each word before saying it. “It’s just, I know I said this earlier, but without this tour and you guys and the fans and the crew and everybody my life would suck. I’ve learned so much and seen so much the past six months than I could have ever hoped for. I can’t thank you e—“
“Shhhh,” Adam whispered and pulled Tommy’s lips up to meet his. It was light, sweet and chaste. Adam pulled away and Tommy couldn’t help but grin like an idiot. Nothing like the rough stage kisses, or hell even the soft ones. It was just a sweet ‘you’re welcome’ kiss.

“God, serious?” Monte muttered sleepily and rolled off the couch. Tommy jumped away from Adam like his mom had just caught him in the act but Monte was still asleep.
“Let’s go to the other room. Everyone here is so drunk.” Tommy decided. He wasn’t sure why he wasn’t shit faced right now but something in him made him refrain from more than two drinks.
“I bet you wish you were.” Adam grinned and led Tommy down the hall a couple of rooms to a smaller room on the corner of the building. There was a single bed and couch, not even a TV. The wallpaper was the same old flowery pattern.

“Can’t a rockstar get a nice hotel room these days?” Tommy asked, flopping down on the bed. “Not even a fucking TV. We have to fucking entertain ourselves, oh no!” he said sarcastically as he rolled all around the bed.
“Whatever could the two of us get up to?”
“Was that an innuendo?”
“…Yes, it was, Mr. Ratliff. Do you accept?”
“Accept what…?” Tommy looked around seriously confused. Adam had sat down on the edge of the bed now, propping the pillows up. He gave Tommy a look. “OH! Of course I do…!”
“Aha!” Adam laughed and leaped on Tommy. For a split second Tommy thought Adam was seriously going to go through. Instead, Adam wrapped his hand over Tommy’s mouth and started to make out with the back of his hand. They rolled around for a few seconds before Tommy’s laughter was making him shake too hard to function.

Suddenly there was a bright flash from the foot of the bed and insane cackling.
“WHO THE FUCK-“ Tommy screeched, flying off the bed onto the ground and tripping over the couch in the process.
“Oh, no. No sex.” A disappointed Brooke giggled.
“Noooo!” Sutan cried out, admiring the overexposed digital photo of Adam on his stomach and Tommy mid-jump. “But this is so going on twitter.”
“Ahahahaha! Dooo itttt!” Brooke cheered, watching Sutan upload the photo directly to Twitter from his fancy new camera.
“But that scream- you gotta admit they coulda been havin’ sex.” Sutan tapped the camera three times. It sounded a bit more like tha’screamgotstadmit’eycouldabeavin’ex after all the alcohol. Without saying a word, they both ran out of the room, slamming the door behind them.

“I thought these doors locked.” Adam finally said, dumbfounded. He looked over at Tommy who was assessing the various bruises on his legs and arms. “You okay?”
“Fuck- no. I slammed into the edge of this fuckin’ table and it won’t stop bleeding.” Tommy cringed as he saw the gash on his forearm, disfiguring his tattoos.
“Oh- Tommy!” Adam squealed and ran to the rescue. He took Tommy’s arm in his hands and examined the cut. “If you squeeze it more blood comes out.” He informed.
“God, no! You’re no help!” Tommy hissed getting up to look for some first aid kit in a drawer. The hotel wasn’t so cheap as to leave one out as he bandaged himself up. He glanced up at Adam through his fringe. The younger man was sitting on the ground next to the couch looking distant.

“Do you… do you remember those nights on the bus? After everyone fell asleep,” Adam said.

“Yeah, sure. I, uh, guess.” Tommy registered what Adam was really saying and blushed. He briefly had a strange thought if all his blood went to his face, would his cut bleed less somehow?

“Well…” Adam looked right into Tommy’s dark eyes. He crawled on his hands and knees over to the blonde, fingers ghosting over the edges of Tommy’s bandage. He looked up into Tommy’s eyes again as if asking for permission. Tommy gave the slightest of nods and suddenly Adam was kissing him. There was a sense of urgency but it was quickly forgotten as Tommy just slumped against the side of the bed. It was lazy and Adam was resting his hand on the small of Tommy’s back, the other on his knee. Tommy held Adam’s face in his hands completely entranced. Without breaking the kiss, Adam lifted Tommy up onto the bed as carefully as possible. Tommy wondered how they went from goofy to sexy that fast.

“How straight are you, Tommy?” Adam whispered on Tommy’s lips.
“Pretty bendy.” Tommy grinned and kissed Adam again. “Please?” he clutched onto Adam’s studded belt. Even in the low light the silver studs caught onto the light. Adam kept kissing him which seemed like a yes to Tommy. He tugged Adam’s skin-tight denim pants off and was now playing at the hem of his shirt. Adam pulled off Tommy’s battered Metallica shirt up and over his head only breaking the kiss as long as possibly needed. Things began to pick up when they were just both in their boxers.
“Is this okay?” Adam asked softly beginning to palm Tommy’s semi-hard dick through the fabric. Tommy answered by pushing into Adam’s touch whimpering for more. He could see Adam’s underwear trent obscenely above him and smirked.

“Off.” Tommy commanded trying to pull away the thin cotton. Adam was going to ask him if he was sure but he figured it would just piss Tommy off. He was already pretty much naked in a bed making out with him so Tommy was probably pretty sure this is what he wanted. So pretty soon they were both naked and sweaty and Tommy hadn’t even looked at Adam’s cock before his hand wrapped around it and was jerking him off. “Holy fuck, you’re huge.”
“Aren’t I?” Adam said in the same tone Tommy had used forever ago before their first show. It took awhile but there was slight recognition on Tommy’s face. “I’m topping.”
“No complaints.” Tommy hissed when Adam got off him and was searching around for some condom and lube. There was a random condom in his pant’s back pocket but no lube.
“There’s not lube but this condom is strawberry flavored.” Adam said making his way back to Tommy.
“Yeah, because my ass has taste buds.” He replied sarcastically. Adam let out a little squeak when he realized Tommy was already opening himself up with two fingers pushed in as far as possible and he nearly came right there.

“That’s really hot.” Adam observed as Tommy was spread out on the bed, three fingers in and grunting every few seconds.
“It’d be better if it were your – nnrgh – cock in me.” Tommy snapped open his eyes and stared at Adam.

“Oh god, you’re too right.” Adam jumped on top of Tommy – literally jumped – and tugged Tommy’s fingers out of his ass. Tommy whined for a second as Adam slid on the condom clumsily. Adam placed his hands on Tommy’s skinny little thighs and spread his legs more than they already were. He took a moment to admire Tommy spread out all wanton like this and suddenly couldn’t stand it any longer and slammed into the blonde’s ass. He pounded into him relentlessly not giving Tommy a moment to adjust. Tommy didn’t mind because even though he felt like his was being torn in two pieces it strangely felt good.

“Harder!” Tommy cried out.
“I’m fucking you really god damned hard, Tommy.” Adam grunted as he slammed in and out of Tommy’s tight hole.
“No, I need more.” He demanded, bucking and thrusting to meet Adam every time without fail. Adam gripped Tommy’s hips harder and began to thrust in and out faster and harder than he knew possible. Tommy’s dick was leaking with precome but Adam swatted his hands away every time Tommy tried getting himself off. There wasn’t much of a rhythm to the madness anymore and Adam was shaking and moaning louder than Tommy now. They both came at the same time, cum all over each other and the bed.

Neither of them felt like it was really enough and Tommy was going to ask for a second round but Adam collapsed on top of him with heavy lids. Tommy squirmed away and checked his bandage. It was stained with blood. He threw on his underwear and jeans and walked into the bathroom. The fluorescent lights gave everything a creepy glow as they reflected into the dirty mirror. Tommy splashed some water on his face and then took to his cut.

“Did I hurt you, baby?” Adam asked from the doorway, fully clothed.
“No, no. It’s just my cut.” He explained. He really had no idea what to do except splash it with water. He figured putting soap in it would just sting or irritate it.
“Oh.” The singer frowned and wrapped his arms around Tommy from behind. He planted a kiss on his shoulder and examined Tommy’s cut. It had stopped bleeding.

“How do you go from sexy to cute like that?” Tommy asked.
“I don’t know.” Adam declared and kissed Tommy passionately. Tommy kissed him right back but Adam soon took control again by picking him up and carrying him back over to the bed.

“I feel like a teenage girl on a honeymoon.” Tommy giggled as Adam traced his lips.
“A teenage girl on her honeymoon. I see.” Adam played with Tommy’s piercings.
“I do!” Tommy defended himself.
“So we’re married now?”
“Ugh, what? No.”
“Do you even know what this is?”
“Fuck no. And I don’t think I want to.”
“Yep.” Adam breathed into Tommy’s mouth and licked the back of his teeth.
“Damn, that’s hot.” Tommy murmured.
“Aren’t I?”

Sunday Football

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Dick Clark's

The room was pulsing with the bass heavy club mix, everyone was a blur swathed in purple lights. Adam made his way through the crowd, stopping to talk to his guests. He remained polite but curt, too sober for his own good. Leaving the bar, he pushed through a couple people to get into the lounge. The music was slightly muted thanks to the heavy door and there was the slight buzz of conversation. A couple feet away Brad was pushed up against the wall, a taller man he must have brought along kissing up and down his neck. Adam blushed when Brad looked right into his eyes and winked. He shook his head and walked over to the television, Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Years Eve on mute. He couldn’t help but feel anger bubble up in his chest. He could have been on that show last year. The publicity he would have gotten as long as he didn’t get near his pretty little bassist would have been extraordinary.

“The guy is a dick,” Adam heard the familiar voice a few yards away. Tommy was talking to Isaac by the couch, an empty bottle in hand. Isaac had a look of disgust on his face as Tommy explained the cancellations due to the AMAs.
“Dick is a dick.” Isaac giggled. The two were so drunk they collapsed into each other, chests heaving with laughter. At some point Tommy’s drink fell to the floor with a clatter. A few heads turned.

“What’s so funny?” Adam smiled, settling down next to his wide-eyed drummer. The two men just shook their heads and tried to regain as much composure as they could.
Tommy suddenly climbed over Isaac’s lap into Adam’s with a devilish smirk on his black lips. “I wanna be next to Adam,” he declared, giving Isaac a small pout. Isaac cracked up and fell over, nearly off the couch.
“How much has he had to drink?” Adam murmured in Tommy’s ear, concerned. Tommy didn’t answer at first, just curled into the singer so that his face was on Adam’s chest.
“Who the fuck cares. It’s new year’s eve.” His voice vibrated on Adam’s chest, sending warmth throughout the singer’s body. Some of it seemed to flow down south so instead, Adam shifted slightly, pushing Tommy off him. The older man whimpered at the loss of warmth. He wouldn’t do that tonight. He’d had sex with Tommy when he was drunk before.

Sutan passed the couch, took a moment to once over Tommy curled up next to Adam and plopped down next to Tommy.
“My life partner!” Tommy declared cheerfully, wrapping his arms around Sutan’s shoulders as he shook with excitement. Adam patted the blond on his back, thoroughly amused. Sutan gave Adam a ‘what the fuck did you put in his drink’ over Tommy’s shoulder. “Hey, life partner, did you know it’s new year’s eve?” Tommy smiled as he pulled away, toying with Sutan’s rings now. As the two talked, Adam watched Brad and his date out of the corner of his eye. He wondered if Brad got that slight feeling of jealousy when he saw him with Tommy on stage because Adam sure felt it as he watched the stranger’s hands roam up that tiny body.

“Adam!” Tommy’s voice snapped him back into reality. He raised an eyebrow in reply and Tommy laughed. “It’s 11:57! There is four more minutes left!”
“Actually, three.” Sutan corrected the bassist.
“What the fuck ever!” Tommy glared at the makeup artist. The room started buzzing with excitement, and someone turned the sound on the TV on. Some host was talking about how awesome something was or how great this celebration was or whatever. Everyone was freaking out. 11:59. Tommy was practically vibrating against Adam, something he didn’t know was possible, and Sutan was trying to hold Isaac down to the floor (since when did Isaac come back?).

Suddenly everyone was shouting in this room and all throughout the building, he could hear it. Brad was kissing that guy again and half the people in room were kissing somebody. Fireworks were going off outside and horns were honking. It was fucking chaos.

“Stop trying to friend zone me,” Tommy suddenly growled next to him and before he could even register what was happening, Tommy’s tongue was down his throat. The bassist’s hands were running through Adam’s hair, tugging and pulling. All Adam could do was rest his hands on Tommy’s hips as the man straddled his own. It was hot, he couldn’t lie. Tommy was a great kisser. But so was he. Running his hand up and down Tommy’s thigh, he pushed him down on the couch, hovering over his body. Tommy untangled one hand and rested it against Adam’s chest. It was long before he was scratching at Adam’s shirt, writhing underneath him but still fighting for dominance. He couldn’t push Adam off of him, so Adam leaned back, letting Tommy take control again. Adam’s cock leapt in his leather pants, aching to be touched. Finally Tommy pulled away after a couple of minutes. A few couples were still lazily kissing but it seemed like everyone else’s were glued on Adam and Tommy. Then Adam realized his didn’t give a fuck.
“I think I can do that,” Adam grinned against Tommy’s cheek.
“You can…” Tommy smiled blissfully. His breath still smelled like alcohol but Adam didn’t mind. It was just Tommy.